Life Without You
by missbelikov97
Summary: This story is set after the attack. Dimitri was never turned but he left rose for tasha. He left rose pregnant with twins. What happens when rose loses her kids? What happens when Dimirti returns and rose has moved on?
1. Chapter 1

Hi i'm Alaa and this is my first ff so plz be nice. i know im not that great of a writer but plz r&r!

Dimitri s supposed to come out of the clinic today. I'm so glad that he got better. I dont know what I whould have done if I hadnt saved him in time. All I know is that I never wanted him to get injured again. I flashed back to the day at the caves. I remember how it felt when the strogoi bit into him. It felt as though my heart was being ripped apart. Your not there anymore I remonded myself. Just then there was a knock at the door. Sigh. who could it possibly be. I opened the door to see Alberta. she had this strange look in her eyes like she had something important yet horrible to say.

"Hi gaurdian petrov," I said as cheerfully as possible. "we need to talk" she said. "ok. um come in?" I said it more of a question form but she came in. "Im going to be blunt about this." she paused for a split second the nshe continued."Gaurdan Belikov left." I stood there probably looking like an idiot. I stood there waiting to hear what she had to tell me. Thats when it sunk in. "What? No! youre lying! He promised that he would stay. he told me he was done keeping his feelngs locked away!" I realized I had just told her about me and Dimitri and I being in a relationship but at this point I couldnt care less. In that moment felt like a lttle girl that wanted her mommy but my mother wasnt here. Somehow Alberta felt that I needed someone so she hugged.  
>I dont know how long she stayed in my room comforting me and telling me it was ok but it made me feel better. Thats when it occured to me that she knew. She knew i loved Dimtri. dont know how she knew but I knew she knew. "How did you know?" I asked. "Ive known you since you were about four years old Rose. I know when your in love. I know when your in pain. I just know." It may not have been that best explaination but it was better than nothng. "You should eat. you havent eaten all day." "I dont feel like eating." "Nonesense." she said. "How about this. You go take a shower while I get you somethng to eat and excuse you from the classes that you missed." I couldnt do anything but agree.<p>

Half an hour later I was all washed up and I was eating donuts wth alberta. When we finshed she had to go. She said something about having a shift somewhere. After she left the full truth hit me. He was gone. Dmitri the one I risked my life to save. The person that was reason for being alive had left me. He didnt love me. For some reason I needed to make sure that he really didnt care so I grabbed my phone off my nightstand wped my tears away and dialed his rang a couple of times before he answered. "Hello" he said. "Dimitri" I said. I sounded so desperate. "O. Rose. My apologies but I thought you were informed that i had left." "Yes but I needed to know why." "I decided I loved Tasha and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so I took up her offer." "What about us." "sorry rose but there s no us. I love Tasha now." "But you told me you loved me." "Its different now" "how? you dont love me anymore." "Rose, love fades. Mine has and yours will to." and with that he hung up the phone.  
>That night cried. I cried like a child that was being whipped. I cried and cried until i fell asleep.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

_**I dedicate this chapter to Nikole Ozera the first to read and review my story. Thanx:)**_

Three weeks had gone by since Dimitri morning I would wake up and rush to the bathroom to empty my stomachs contents. I didnt know why but every morning I felt sick. After I got cleaned up and all dressed Id go down to the commons for breakfast. My friends had gotten used to me being a bore. They stooped trying to cheer me up. I hadn't told them about Dimitri but I knew that if they really thought about it theyd know. Not only had my friends stopped trying to cheer me up but my teachers gave up on me all together. The only person that seemed to care besides Lissa was Alberta.  
>She watched out for me and made excuses for me when I was late to class but recently she had been looking at me from afar. It seemed as though she wanted to say something but didnt want to upset me. So one day I asked her what was it that she wouldnt tell me.<p>

"Rose," she said. "Wow I didn't think it would be this hard to say this," she took a deep breath then continued. "Rose Ive been watching you for a while and well... um..." Id never seen Alberta at loss of words. " think you might be pregnant."

I started to ask what would make her think that when the answer hit me. In the morning when I threw up it wasnt just because it was morning sickness. And recently Id been eating so much more and my period was late and I was pretty sure that if I were to weigh myself rght then and there I would have been heavier. "But thats not possible! The only person I ever slept with was Dimitri. I I I... I cant be pregnant."

"Rose do me a favor an take a pregnancy test. Its the only way youll know for sure." I agreed. Half an hour later I had taken the test and found out I was pregnant. "What am I going to do?" I felt like screamng like killing someone but niether of those feelings scared me as much as the third. I felt like killing myself. I had never had suicidal thoughts before but ths was all so overwhelming. "Rose listen to me you have to tell Dimitri." "I cant" "You have to. He has a right to know." "Hows this even possible?" "I dont know rose. I dont know." "Fine. Ill call. hand me my phone please." She grabbed it off the night stand and dialed hs number for me. It rang and rang but he didnt pick up. I dont know how I knew but I knew that he had seen his phone and decided not to answer. "I guess I tried right?" "Rose you have to do one other thing. you have to tell your friends." I was about to protest but I realized she was right I had to tell them theyd help me get through this.

And thats what I did. I told them about the lust charm and how I fell in love with Dmitri. I told them about the night in the cabin and that I was pregnant. I told them everything and they did everything that they could to help. They even came up with a theory about how it was even possible that I was pregnant. They said it had something to do with me being shadow kissed. I acceptedd that and I accepted that I was going to have to go through this pregnancy without Dimitri at my side. I would have to do it with just my friends. Ill admit I was scared. I didnt want to have to be a mother but when I saw the ultrasound picture of my daughters all my fear vanished.  
>I was able to graduate without taking my trials and I was assigned as Lissa's gardian and we moved to court.<p>

_**Plz read and review. ~Alaa**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Sorry for all the mistakes. I'm going to fix them. **

"Push! Push!" That doctor was starting to get on my nerves.

"One last push! Give it all you have."

That's when I heard my second daughter cry! The first one had come five minutes earlier. I hadn't had a chance to see her because they took her away to clean her but now they brought her in and took the second one out. As I held her in my arms I knew what I was going to call her.

"Alexis" I whispered.

"That's a pretty name." Commented Christian.

"It's perfect" said Lissa.

"Wow! Rose can pick a name. I think she deserves a medal." That was Adrian. If I hadn't been carrying Alexis I would have chucked something at his head.

The nurse came in carrying. My second daughter. I gave Alexis to Lissa and carried my second daughter.

"What will you name this one." Asked Adrian.

I studied her for a second before I said "Mackenzie"

"Not bad! Never knew you could name a baby." Adrian again.

We spent more time with the girls before the nurse came and suggested that I rest. She took my two little angels away.

I slept that night with worry. I don't know what it was but it kept me up most of the night. In the morning a different nurse came in with my breakfast. She said I had to eat. She said she'd bring my daughters once I finished my breakfast.

I finished my breakfast but the nurse didn't come back. I picked up the remote thing and pressed the nurse button. Five minutes later a nurse came in. I asked for my daughters she said she'd get them. She never returned.

That happened a couple more times before I got up to go look for all the nurses that never came back. Outside everything was hectic. I stopped one of the nurses and asked what was going on.

"You shouldn't have left your room." Then she took me back and told me to stay. Then she just left. I was going to go crazy why wouldn't any of the nurses get me my daughters. Finally the doctor came. With him was Lissa, Christian, and Adrian. The doctor had an expression that was easy to read. Something bad had happened. My friends looked like they had no clue why they were here.

The doctor finally spoke. "Rose, I'm sorry but your daughters are gone."

"They're dead?" asked Adrian.

"No," replied the doctor. "They have been kidnapped."

I heard Lissa gasp next to me and Christian trying to calm her down but I didn't listen to them. I was looking at the doctor. I got up and walked towards him and when I was right in front of him I reached out and I strangled him. I wanted to kill him for losing my daughters I wanted him to wish he was never alive.

"Rose stop! It's not his fault." Before I knew it Adrian and Christian were next to me trying to get me away from the doctor. Lissa ran out the door and called for help. That's when five different nurses came in to get me of the doctor. In the end they had to drug me to get off of him. Everything was starting to get blurry and the last thing I said was my daughters. Then the blackness swallowed me and I fell into a deep sleep.

Afterwards I didn't do anything. My life was a blur. Lissa begged me to go back to normal. She tried to get me to forget but I couldn't. The love of my life left me and my daughters were taken away from me. I was empty inside. I no longer cared about anything. I did my guardian duties and I ate and lived but it was like I was a robot. I couldn't feel any more.

**Ok so what do y'all think? Plz read and review.**

**-Alaa**


	4. Chapter 4

**So my sister has been bugging me to write the 4****th**** chapter so here it is.**

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I open my eyes to see Adrian's face right next to mine.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked him. That's when I notice that Christian is also there. Lissa enters the room with donuts.

"Happy Birthday Rose! We got you breakfast in bed." Lissa said with a smile. She should know better by now. They all should. I had been a shell for more than a year. They should know that I wouldn't appreciate a single thing they do. Like on my last birthday they got me cake and presents and how did I respond? I just sat there like a dummy.

They stood there studying me before Lissa spoke up. "Rose, please don't reject us again." I heard the pain in her voice. I couldn't believe I was the one who caused her that pain. I always wanted to protect her but now I was hurting her more then I was protecting her.I looked at her and I saw how badly she wanted me to let go for one day. To be happy just for today. I don't know what it was but I finally said ok. It must have been the promise I made to myself never to hurt her.

For breakfast they had gotten me donuts which I gobbled down so fast they didn't know what hit them. I had lost most emotions but I still had a wild appetite.

"Ok so here is the agenda for today." Lissa said. She looked at me like I might say I didn't want anything but I let her continue. She continued listing what we were going to do today. "We are going shopping. We have to buy you a dress for tonight."

"Wait tonight? What for?" I asked.

But she continued as though I never spoke.

This was horrible. I don't know why I agreed. Maybe because I was too tired of saying no all the time. Maybe because I knew they would have dragged me here either way and would rather have come willingly.

They had made a party just for me. And it was the type of party I would have enjoyed before I became an emotionless person. It had liquor karaoke everything a good party would have.

I sat at the bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes later a damphir girl sat next to me. She seemed to be a couple years older than me. "Hey Rose," she said

I turned to face her. "Um. Hi. Do I know you?" I asked. She didn't look like someone I knew.

"Well not exactly." She said. I gave her a look that meant continue. "I went to St. Vladimir's. I was a senior when you were a freshman."

I looked at her trying to remember her. "Nope." I shook my head. "You don't look familiar."

"Ok then lets officially meet." She laughed at that. "My name is Melissa."

"And I'm Rose, but you already know that." I replied lamely.

"Ya. Look I know that you went through a tough time but…"

"If you're here to tell me to move on, then forget it. I won't. My friends weren't able to get me to move on. I doubt you'd be able to."

"Just listen. Ok." She paused looking for the right way to begin I assumed then she continued. "I know you've been hurt. I know you're still hurting but your friends are hurting as well. They hurt every day, every time they're around you. You're their friend and they understand that what you've been through is difficult but eventually they'll stop trying. They'll stop caring. You need to learn to accept the bad without bringing your friends and family down."

What she was saying made sense. She was right. If I was going to feel sad I should do it on my own. Not when people will notice.

"I've helped people with moving on and I'd like to help you."

"What are you? Some sort of counselor sent by my friends?"

"No but I want to help you. I don't want you to lose everyone. At least show them that what they're doing for you is something you appreciate. Show them you love them. And most important be a good person so that when you meet your daughters in the future they'll love you for being a kindhearted and nice human." She studied me while I sat there drinking from my glass. "My apartment is the blue one across the hall of Adrian's come by tomorrow if you heard anything I just said and you want to change." And with that she got up and left.

That night I laid in bed thinking about what Melissa said. She had I point. There was no reason to hurt the people around me just because I was hurting.

**Hope you like! Plz Read and Review **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! Sorry for not updating in a while!**

"Hey! You came!" was the first thing Melissa said tome when she opened the door.

"Ya! I thought about what you said and you were right. If I'm going to keep pushing them away then someday they'll stop caring. And I can't lose my friends. If I were to lose them I don't know what I would do. And…"

"Slow down." I hadn't realized how fast I was talking until she stopped me.

"Sorry" I apologized.

"Ok! I'm glad I was able to convince you." She smiled at me.

"So why exactly am I here? I mean you told me you could help but how?"

"I'm going to teach you to do normal things. Things you haven't done in a while like singing, dancing, dating, drinking, and just having a good time with your friends."

Melissa gave me tour of her fairly large apartment. It was a really nice place. She introduced me to her husband Jacob and her daughter Rwan. Her husband seemed really nice and you could tell that he loved his wife. Her daughter was adorable, cute, beautiful, lovely and everything good. She had something about her that made my heart melt. She was only two but she could talk better than any 2 year old baby I'd ever seen.

I was jealous of Melissa. She seemed to have a perfect life. She was married to the love of her life and she had the most wonderful daughter. I'm pretty sure people gave her a hard time and called her a blood whore but she seemed so happy.

Once Jacob left she looked at me and knew what I was feeling. "Trust me you'll be just as happy someday. All you need is hope." Her words somewhat comforted me but I didn't have hope. I lost my hope that day I found out Dimitri had left. "Let's start out by taking you out for coffee."

A while later we were sitting across each other in a coffee shop. "Ok so let's talk." She said

"Um ok what are we going to talk about?"

"Our pasts." I gave her a confused look so she continued. "I want you to tell me about Dimitri, about your daughters. Tell me how it felt to lose them. Tell me how it felt when you first held them in your arms. Tell me everything and in return I'll tell you my story."

So I told her everything. I told her about Dimitri and our complicated relationship. I told her about Alexis and Mackenzie. I told her about the first time I held them and how it felt to have them disappear the next day. Melissa listened to me without interrupting. Then it became her turn.

"I had a stepsister when I was younger and she was by best friend. Her name was Lizzie. We laughed played and did so much together. One day we were driving. Well actually I was driving she was sitting in the passenger seat. We were laughing and talking having a great time. I was driving her to school. It wasn't hat far of a car trip 5 minutes or so. On that day I hit an ice patch and lost control. I screamed and so did Lizzie. We hit a tree on the side of the road and I was out. When I woke up I looked around and saw Lizzie next to me. I tried to call to her but she couldn't hear me."

By now there were tears streaming down Melissa's face. She continued though. "At some point the police came. They took us out of the car and loaded us into the ambulance. Lizzie's heart was still breathing but she was barely breathing. By the time we got to the hospital she was gone. There was nothing the doctors could do.

My dad came along with my stepmom. My stepmother was in hysterias. She came by to my room and yelled at me. She told me it was my entire fault. I already blamed myself but hearing someone else accuse me was more painful. My father agreed with her. They made my life a living hell at home.

Every breath I would take they would look at me like I shouldn't be breathing. I was living in a shell. I didn't talk my friends anymore and they begged me to forgive myself. In the end they got tired of talking to me and one day they just dropped out of my life. They never called or texted again.

I became worse and worse until I found Jacob. He helped me forgive myself. He helped me move one. He helped me come back to life." I listened to her story and by the end I realized everybody went through hardships but not everybody reacted correctly.

When I got back home Lissa hugged me. Apparently she was happy I did something other than sit around and grieve. Christian was proud Adrian was glad and I felt like maybe everything would work out.

**So that was Chapter 5. Hope you liked! Plz R&R! **

**~Alaa **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! Sorry for not updating for a while but went to Chicago and I had no Internet connection.**

Me, Melissa, and Lissa hang out a lot. Its a lot of fun. I never thought I could have fun after what happened but I did. I had become the head guardian. I loved my new

job. We rarely left court so I never really had to protect her but I was with her she had to leave. Usually the only reason she leaves court is for shopping and I go along as

a friend not just a guardian. I finally was starting to believe that everything would be ok.

"Hey Rose" Melissa had a strange smile when she popped by my house one afternoon. "can you babysit Rwan for me tonight? Please?"

"Whats the occasion?"

"Jacob is going to take me out tonight. A romantic getaway. she had a gleam in her eyes.

"How long?"

"The entire night she said it kind of sheepishly". I gave her an "are you serious look" She continued "Well she cant be with us at home because of what we will be

doing. its kind of not the type of thing a little kid should be witnessing". I laughed at that.

I sighed. "Fine"

"I knew you would never allow Rwan to suffer."

"Shes a little child for gods sake shes not going to know what your doing" This time she laughed.

"That's my point." She paused then she asked "do you think you could help me get ready?" I rolled my eyes at that.

"Bye" Rwan waved at her parents. This was going to be the longest she stayed away from home. I hope she wouldn t give me any trouble.

"Ok princess what do you want to do?"

"I'm a princess?" she asked innocently.

"Yes of course you are. You are Princess Rono." I said using her favorite nickname. She smiled at that.

Then she asked "Can we play duck duck goose?" she was so cute I couldn't resist her. We had so much fun that night. I felt like she was the cutest girl in the entire world.

In the morning I dressed her and made her breakfast when the doorbell rang. It couldn't possibly be Melissa. if i knew her she would have a terrible hangover. But the

person at the door was not Melissa. Or Jacob. It was a guardian.

"I am here to inform you that last night Melissa and Jacob were in a car accident. Sadly neither of them lived." I stared at him. I couldn't believe what he was saying. What

was I supposed to do with Rwan.

He continued. "Rwan's uncle has been contacted. You will just have to take care of Rwan for a couple of days or weeks until her uncle finishes his business. If you cant

keep her we will find a place for her to stay."

"I ll do it."

That night Rwan stayed without questioning where her parents were. In the middle of the night she had a nightmare

and came to me. After telling me about her nightmare I let her sleep with me except I didn t sleep. The rest of the night i watched her. I couldn t sleep. I kept thinking

about how she was parent less. She was an orphan. Her uncle wasn't really her uncle it was her dads best friend. He was going to adopt her but for now I had to take

care of her.

I went to Melissa and Jacob s s view on death was that when someone dies you celebrate the fact that your alive you shouldn't stop living because

someone else dies. So I tried to be like her but it wasn't easy. After the funeral I was with Rwan. I spent most of my time with her. Me and

her became really close. I some how managed to tell her that she would never see her parents again. That they had gone to a far away place. A place where they could

watch over her and be happy. She accepted that and moved on. Everyday I spent with Rwan I loved her even more. I do everything for her. Feed her, Dress her shower

her. I even helped her with her shoes which she knew how to do on her own. Lissa thought I was spoiling her I though I was being nice to her.

I kept thinking about Jack-Rwan s uncle. He was going to take her away from me. I didn't know how I was going to give her was like my daughter, I loved her so much.

About 2 and a half weeks after Melissa and Jacob died Jack showed up.

**Hey! Again I am sooo sorry for the late update. I'm going to try to update before I go back to school because when I get back I m going to have exams. Please review!**


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